Wilderness

Five months ago, I was at one of the lowest points of my life. My relationships with my friends and family were falling apart, I couldn’t do well in school, and I was deeply heartbroken by the man I deeply loved. Looking back, these were tough moments for me. I thought there was no way out, and I felt alone.

I sought God yet he did not answer me. Or maybe He did, but I was just too deaf to listen. I blamed God about many things, including my hurts, but I didn’t share those hurts with him because I believed it was mine to keep.

Yet God heard my prayer of desperation. I asked if I could see Him, hear Him, or feel Him. He did not fail in answering this prayer. He encountered me in my wilderness – literally. It was at the middle of the desert in Israel where they found the Dead Sea scrolls.
Right now, I’m experiencing his abundant grace and his loving kindness in this “wilderness” where He is(Exodus 33:15) and with people I’ve grown to love and care for.

We all happen to pass through our different and unique wildernesses. All of them are unpleasant. Nobody wants to be in the wilderness. But it is where we experience Him the most by relying on the manna he provides everyday, the water from the Rock, the cloud in the scorching heat of the day, the pillar of fire in the coldest of nights.

We find it terrible, but it is much more terrible in a promise land where there is no God. We learn to be content when we’re given little, and our faith grows when all we have is Christ.

It taught me to be alone, and not feel lonely, because He makes himself known. It taught me that each tear that falls, does not fall on the desert sand but on His hands. I understood that I do not mourn alone, and that He mourns with me.

Now, when He has blessed me with abundance, I’ve learned to look back and be grateful for that wilderness because it taught me to count my blessings, and to treasure the gifts he has given me today.

And even now, I know He has been so faithful.

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